Today, please welcome Hiten Vyas, who blogs at http://hitenvyas.com. Hiten recently launched his ebook “Job Interview Confidence: Replacing Anxiety with Self-Belief.” This eBook is the first in an NLP series for people who stammer, to deal with those key situations in life, where stammering can be a problem. The first one is all about dealing with the anxiety of job interviews and replacing negative beliefs with empowering ones.
Hiten’s story is an inspiring one. Early on in his life, he has experienced extreme amounts of fear and anxiety because he stammered – and this crippled all aspects of his life. In 2003, he entered the personal development field and since, literally transformed himself into a successful person. His passion is in helping people overcome their difficulties and helping them live the life they want, and deserve. I am happy to welcome him here today, to talk about why belief in oneself is key to building / improving relationships. Take it away, Hiten!
Why self-belief is important to improve your relationships
Relationships are a vital part of being human.
We relate with others all the time. We meet and connect with family, friends, colleagues, and even people we meet for brief periods at places like bus stops, and shopping centers.
Relationships are a two way thing. It takes two people to make an effort and create a meaningful relationship.
Let me tell you something about my own life for a moment with regard to relating. I used to think I was terrible at relating to people and was very bad at forming relationships. You see – I stuttered – I couldn’t even speak properly. How could I ever talk to people when speech is a basic tool we use to communicate with others?
Because of my perceived shortcomings about my ability to build relationships, I felt as though I was in a real mess – and stuck in strong glue from which I couldn’t get out.
Do you sometimes think you’re not good at forming relationships?
Often these thoughts are based on certain beliefs we hold about relationships. Let’s explore some of these and see if you too can relate to some of them.
Limiting beliefs about relationships
1. I’m a poor communicator, which means I’m not good at creating relationships.
2. I don’t have the right status to be able to create relationships with certain people.
3. I’m not likable so I can’t form relationships.
4. I never know what to say to other people and this stops me from making friends.
5. I’m no good with people.
Beliefs like these can create…
Anxiety is a common state one experiences in relation to relationships. But why does this happen? Here are some reasons:
1. Rather than sharing your views and experiences when interacting with others, you hold back as you believe what you have to say isn’t interesting enough.
2. You believe you can’t connect with other people, so when an opportunity arises to meet others (such as attending parties or weddings), you worry you won’t be able to handle it, and you back out and don’t even attend.
3. You might become fearful that your partner is beginning to care less about you, or perhaps you worry he/she is cheating on you.
4. You believe you’re not good enough (based on physical appearance or economic status), which makes you anxious about interacting with people, who you perceive to be “better” than you.
5. If you’ve had a bad relationship with a certain person and the opportunity comes to improve it, your memories about the previous time makes you so anxious that you doubt you will ever be able to do it.
Can you change this?
If you find yourself entertaining negative beliefs and thoughts similar to those described above, there is a lot you can do to improve the way you relate with others.
Start by taking stock of yourself – and changing yourself, little by little.
Here are some powerful yet effective ways to do this:
- Improve your self-image with regard to creating relationships. Rather than think you’re not a people person, stop to think what it would be like if you were. Use imagery – visualize yourself as someone who is good at relating with others. Once you do this, become the image, so you’re now looking out into the world through the eyes of the “you” who is amazing at building relationships.
- Leverage your inherent strengths – demonstrate these and increase your self-confidence. Understand that everyone has weaknesses and that we all have an opportunity to improve certain aspects of our lives.
- Develop self-esteem by accepting and appreciating all that you have to offer to the world. Love yourself. This will help you begin to value yourself more, and help you develop healthy relationships. You will begin to depend less on others liking you – as you will always like yourself, no matter what the outcome of your interactions with people.
- Rather than avoid going into situations where there are opportunities to create relationships, actually step into them. Examples are: attending an evening class, joining a gym or sports club – to help you practice developing your relating skills in small chunks. As you do this, you will become better at relating with people, endorsing the fact that you are, indeed, a social person and good with people. Over time, this will erase the limiting beliefs you had about your ability to form meaningful and lasting relationships.
I would like to repeat what I stated earlier: relationships are always a two way thing. We need people to form relationships with.
To build the relationships you truly want, and mean the most to you, try using the tips above. Change yourself. Enjoy the difference.
Have you, like me, worried about not being good enough?
Do you find it tough to form relationships?
How do you overcome this?
Please share in the comments!
Thank you, Hiten!
Hiten Vyas is a personal development coach and lives in the UK. He is passionate about helping people increase their confidence and reduce their anxiety. Please visit his website to find out more Hiten is also the author of the ebook entitled ‘Job Interview Confidence:Replacing Anxiety with Self-Belief’ which is available from Amazon.com