Positive Parenting and the Value of Discipline
I believe in positive parenting. When I wrote a post on the Joy of Compassionate Parenting at Parentous last month it seemed natural that the next thing I would focus on would be the value of discipline in positive parenting.
Your greatness is measured by your kindness; your education and intellect by your modesty; your ignorance is betrayed by your suspicions and prejudices, and your real caliber is measured by the consideration and tolerance you have for others.
William J.H. Boetcker (1873-1962)
Religious Leader, Influential Public Speaker
When we show kindness towards others and when others are kind to us, an obvious outcome is happiness. And so, when we show kindness to our children in our actions and motives, it makes for a joyous relationship. Children are ready to listen and be responsive when we ask them to do something, especially if our requests are logical and make sense to them. Being considerate never hurt anyone.
In my post at Parentous about positive parenting and the value of discipline, I touched upon why children welcome routine and discipline and the problems likely to crop up with discipline. I wrote about how to implement discipline, sharing some of the ways that have helped me, elaborating on the following:
- Why we should emphasize on the value of cooperation
- Why focus on what we want and not what we don’t want
- Why one should never discipline in anger
- How we can help children cooperate by asking them for ideas
Ultimately, behavior is a choice. We all have the power to choose good – or bad – behavior. Handholding children through the consequences of each choice and the response it was likely to evoke in others keeps their dignity intact instead of making them feel bad.
Positive parenting, finally is all about being able to answer this question honestly”Can I take this if I were a child?”.
Here is my latest post at Parentous: Positive Parenting: The Value of Discipline
“In my last post, The Joy of Being a Compassionate Parent, I mentioned that “compassion is not about allowing children to do whatever they want. It is not about letting them get away with anything they do” – which gave me the idea for today’s post – the value of Discipline.
Just like you and me, children need discipline in their lives to be their best selves. The good news is they actually want it. Children love routine. Without it, they feel alone and unloved. While they expect parents to set the limits, they also think it is their birth right to rebel against them. That being said, it is the parent’s job to set limits related to safety, health, education, morality and inspire cooperation.
So you have probably read the following poem countless times, and so have I. But I feel fresh inspiration each time I read it:
Children Learn What They Live By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Wouldn’t you say the same holds good for adults?
Love does make the world go around!
And here are some lovely quotes on positive parenting:
All children behave as well as they are treated
Praise your children openly, reprehend them secretly
– W. Cecil
Always kiss your children goodnight – even if they’re already asleep.
— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.
— Charles R. Swindoll
What are your views on positive parenting and introducing discipline?