parenting positive thinking

When the going gets tough

when the going gets tough

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going” is what we hear all the time. It is the ideal response, but in life, more specifically, as parents, we often find ourselves face to face with less than ideal situations. In fact, more often than not, we hardly get time to discuss things and have to react spontaneously, hoping it is the right response. If we are lucky, six out of ten times, we are. If not, well, we live and learn. Interaction with others helps a great deal since children are every adept at presenting us with unique situations. When we talk to other parents and our own relatives, we get to hear about live case studies and how they were resolved (or not).

And we all learn from one another, even if it is what not to do! One thing we all agree upon is diffusing the situation with a joke or two, bringing on the smiles and moving on.Nothing like humor to lighten life up.

We enjoy raving and ranting together. I am particularly fond of two Moms who always have nice things to say about their kids and I think, oh, so like my own Mom. The idea is, if we don’t praise our children as we raise them, who will?

My Grandmother taught me a lot about attitude. I’ve learned:

Not to mix up issues

I always practice this. I do not allow an isolated incident mess up my entire day.Practicing the habit of not mixing up issues is an important coping skill. After all, just because a particular dish did not come out the way it was expected to doesn’t stop us from cooking the next meal!

when the going gets tough funny

To keep the faith

No matter how bad things seem to be, things will get better. This too shall pass. What goes down must come up. Oh, I know how tough this one can be, even for us as adults! But sometimes, we just have to keep on keeping on. And when you are convinced of this, you can convince your child. Practice pep talk. You’ll be surprised how easily it comes to you.

To wait and watch

Sometimes, we cannot control things. Worrying does not work and it won’t change the outcome. Teaching this to our children makes them mentally stronger. Flying off the handle at the slightest sign of the unexpected not only sets a lousy example, it is also bad for your health. A common example is being stuck in a traffic jam.

For more coping strategies that make parenting a joy, please read my post at Parentous titled

 

How to cope with the going gets tough

 

Here is an excerpt:

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going” is what we hear all the time.

 

Parenting is challenging, to say the least, because who knows what tomorrow may bring; however, I am happy to say that in our family, we lean quite heavily on humor, laughter, compassion and a lot of empathy as coping strategies. We have learned to be patient and listen (and often take a few deep breaths, sometimes several) before opening our mouths.

 

Here are some coping strategies we depend on and have found successful, most of the time. Not saying we always succeeded; after all, we did not receive the instruction manual when we became parents, but I’d say we’ve managed quite decently. We have come out stronger for it.

 

Look at the funny side

 

Seeing the funny side of a tense situation brings relief from stress. Humor is a wonderful way to change one’s perception of things and gives you a feeling of having a hold of the situation….

 

Continue reading at “How to cope with the going gets tough

And please let me know what you think.

when the going gets tough times

How do you cope when the going gets tough?

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25 Comments

  • Reply
    Philip V Ariel
    August 22, 2013 at 12:23 am

    Hi Vidya,
    This is really an encouraging and very timely post.
    Thanks, The higlighted quotes are very uplifting.
    Keep Inform
    Best regards
    Phil
    Philip V Ariel recently posted…Now Egg To Lowers Blood Pressure!!!My Profile

  • Reply
    Sandi Amorim
    August 22, 2013 at 5:21 am

    Looking at the funny side has saved my sanity too many times to count dear Vidya, and it’s still my favourite coping skill 🙂
    Sandi Amorim recently posted…Set Yourself in MotionMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kajal Kapur
    August 22, 2013 at 6:25 am

    I agree that as a parent one does not always have the answer, and its just not possible to be right all the time. In fact, I believe there is no formula to parenting. I was not raised like my sibling was and it was obviously different. The only common ground could be how in various situations we bring peace sometimes by humor, sometimes by compassion, sometimes by understanding and sometimes by compromise. Thanks 🙂
    Kajal Kapur recently posted…Uncertainty…and the road aheadMy Profile

  • Reply
    Corinne Rodrigues
    August 22, 2013 at 10:39 am

    Somehow I think parents have it much more difficult these days. Children seem to be exposed to so many more difficult situations – our lives seems uncomplicated in comparison. I’m sure it takes a lot of inner strength and clarity of mind and principles for parents to cope with their own problems and teach children to do the same.

  • Reply
    Suzy
    August 22, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    This too shall pass is one of my favourite quotes – something so comforting about it. I admit I am guilty of worrying – mostly about my children. And each time they tell me not to worry my answer to them is “As your mom, it’s my job to worry. If I don’t worry I’m not doing my job properly”. Somehow that itself releases the worry!
    Suzy recently posted…Food for the soulMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kaarina Dillabough
    August 22, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    To quote a line from a song: “I get by with a little help from my friends.” Cheers! Kaarina
    Kaarina Dillabough recently posted…What Are Your Employees Doing When You’re Not Around?My Profile

  • Reply
    Tina Downey
    August 22, 2013 at 6:47 pm

    I will admit that I do have a hard time coping when stuff gets rough. I suffer from depression, and that makes it all the harder to be positive. I do try to put on a “normal, everything is fine” face around my kids, but I can’t always manage it…
    Tina @ Life is Good
    Tina Downey recently posted…Why I’m No Longer Going to Colonize MarsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Carolyn Hughes
    August 22, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    I totally agree with your comment Vidya that you shouldn’t let an isolated incident ruin your whole day. And even if it is genuinely a really bad day, it doesn’t have to ruin the whole week either.
    We all have tough times but there are always good times around the corner and we have to hang on to that!
    Hope this week has been good to you Vidya 🙂
    Carolyn Hughes recently posted…I love you.My Profile

  • Reply
    Vishnu
    August 23, 2013 at 3:33 am

    Learning, growing and becoming better from incidences which challenge me is what I’ve done Vidya. Challenging experiences have a way of coming into my life to remind me what I should be working on next!

    When I survive a tough going, I learn patience & endurance and gain strength and insight.

    • Reply
      Vidya Sury
      August 23, 2013 at 8:29 am

      Beautifully said, Vishnu. That’s the best way to enjoy what life throws at us. Allowing ourselves to be dragged down is a waste of energy, better spent bouncing back up.
      Thank you for commenting! 🙂
      Vidya Sury recently posted…Leaving A LegacyMy Profile

  • Reply
    Sue - The Spin Cycle
    August 23, 2013 at 7:56 am

    How have I not been here, in your space on the web yet? Seen you in passing…but alas…

    Anyway. So glad to be here TONIGHT! Interesting that this is your topic of choice because the going is rough in my neck of the woods right now. Work overload. Dying friend. Argh.

    So what do I do? I pray. I’m not here to convert anyone to any being, deity, or theology, but it’s what I do. And it works for me. It doesn’t automatically fix anything…but it helps. A lot.

    So nice to “meet” you, Vidya! Thanks for the food for thought.
    Sue – The Spin Cycle recently posted…The Beach PartyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Vidya Sury
      August 23, 2013 at 8:28 am

      Sue, one of my favorite go-to strategies is prayer too. And I swear it works. (so maybe I shouldn’t say swear and prayer in the same breath…but hey!)

      I am very glad you’re here. And I am sorry to hear about your friend. My prayers are with you.

      I’ve visited your blog before (thanks to Vanita) and love the way you write! 🙂

      Happy to “meet” you too!
      Vidya Sury recently posted…Walking On SunshineMy Profile

  • Reply
    REKHA
    August 23, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Very True. This too shall pass and one annoying incident or disappointment or failure should not pull you down. Like the donkey which tries and tries to get out of the pit and finally succeeds, once must not stop at all. Move on and keep trying is the mantra. A very noteworthy post indeed.
    REKHA recently posted…Angels on EarthMy Profile

  • Reply
    Gita sharma
    August 23, 2013 at 10:08 am

    Its great to begin the day with reading your writings.I agree its right not to spoil ones day with little happenings it happens and all move on by thinking about an unpleasent happening we relive that situation that many times IS not once enough.Though I have no children I treat my students and their children as family and ofcourse each is unique and so are the issues I have slowly learnt to get out of the situation and think statistically.
    love
    gita

  • Reply
    Rachna
    August 23, 2013 at 10:10 am

    I loved the tips you’ve shared. And I also feel that parenting is much tougher now. Or perhaps, I as a parent have too many things on my plate. I try to be patient. Doesn’t always work but I try. And reasoning it out with them helps too. Sometimes, we make rules for everyone like no yelling or talk to each other respectfully. And kids can also pull us up if we slip up.
    Rachna recently posted…Smells of nostalgia of an Indian childhoodMy Profile

  • Reply
    Fran Sorin
    August 23, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Vidya-

    Good thoughts to wake up to this morning. I love what you said about ‘not mixing up issues’. I have never heard it said that way before.

    My strategy is to ‘take a deep breath’ and remind myself that this too shall pass ~xxoo
    Fran Sorin recently posted…Igniting Your Creativity So That You Can Silently Forgive – 7 TipsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Betsy/Zen Mama
    August 23, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Vidya,
    We have a new mom at our school who said, “You’re just going to love my child.” I thought, “How nice is that!” Usually we hear what’s wrong, not about what’s right.
    Your post reminds us about good attitudes. I just love your grandmother’s advice. I, too, have learned that humor is everything. Sometimes, I’m a little serious and I think I need to remind myself that often. So thanks for being my reminder today!
    xoxo
    Betsy
    Betsy/Zen Mama recently posted…Become The Hero Of Your Own StoryMy Profile

  • Reply
    Afshan
    August 24, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    Inspiring as always
    Just the headings make me feel light !
    Good tips there Vidya and those quotes Rock

  • Reply
    Kim
    August 24, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    Very sage advice! I love the advice about isolating the incident. I find that kids (and adults) say “the whole day was awful” when it may have just been a bad moment. There is a lot of good in each day. We must train ourselves and our children to see it.

    • Reply
      Vidya Sury
      August 26, 2013 at 8:38 am

      Right, Kim! Thanks for your comment. I feel sad when I see the cycle beginning with the incident followed by sympathy (not empathy) for it, then wallowing in it and sometimes dragging others down with it. This is a tough skill to master but a must-do!
      Vidya Sury recently posted…When the going gets toughMy Profile

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    August 25, 2013 at 11:06 pm

    you. are. a. prayer.

    love you more than strawberry ice-cream w/ whip cream. Xx
    My Inner Chick recently posted…Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong PlacesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Vidya Sury
      August 26, 2013 at 8:37 am

      Hugs, Kim! I am glad. Can you believe I am not fond of strawberry flavor? 😀 I love you more than vanilla and butterscotch (my favorites!0
      Vidya Sury recently posted…When the going gets toughMy Profile

  • Reply
    G Angela
    August 26, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    you reminded me of a book I read long time back called Tough times don’t last, but tough people rise above the adversity staying positive and come out of tough situations.

    I have always drawn strength trusting in God, and prayer has been a great weapon in moments of despair, and as rightly put looking at the funny side does help, staying positive and being grateful at all times will keep us from losing our balance.
    G Angela recently posted…EID MUBARAKMy Profile

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