parenting

Come September, 27 More Things That Make Me Cry

vidya sury come september 5

The Huffington Post newsletter this morning brought me this: 27 Things That Made Me Cry When I Took My Kid to College and I know how Peyton feels.

The email subject line said “pass the tissues”. But no, tissues are not enough for the deluge of tears – not because of the list I read but because of the million other things that are making me cry every moment of the day after I took my kid to college. I am back home of course, but the tears? They have a mind of their own and flow – sometimes at the slightest provocation, sometimes for no reason at all, than that I have a mushy mommy heart.

I feel compelled to share 27 more things that make me cry.

    1. His sleepy voice when I call him at 6 am in the morning, responding to my babytalk. Don’t judge me on the babytalk! It is just a ritual we have and enjoy.
    2. The thought of him bathing in cold water at 6.15 am and rushing off to breakfast that’s not his favorite cereal, but adjusting to whatever there is like a champ.
    3. His text at 7.45 to say he’s in class.
    4. Crying into my breakfast with my gaze fixed on the empty seat that is his. We always breakfasted together.
    5. Trying to decide what to make for lunch and realizing I won’t cook anything he loved. Stupid, but hey, sue me!
    6. Worrying if he will get to the Mess in time for lunch.
    7. His Dad refusing dessert and suggesting we think of it only when he visits. I am diabetic, but he doesn’t have to pretend to be!
    8. The sight of his face on Skype – and him informing me he had a haircut and shave – and looking, oh so adorable and young and the frustration that I can’t hug him.
    9. The vacuum in my arms.
    10. Hanging up the multiple clip hanger on the clothesline only to realize that there’s nothing to hang there – and missing the 15 pairs of underwear that went into the laundry every week.
    11. The thought that he has to do his own laundry now, hang it out to dry and bring it back in, fold it and put it away. Of course he ran the washing machine at home, but this is not the same.
    12. His gentle “thank you mi” for every little thing. I mean, every. little. thing.
    13. His happiness and joy at the sight of homemade pizzagratitude list pizza vidya sury.
    14. Pizza ads. He loves pizza.
    15. His little prayer books wrapped in tissue under his pillow, which had the impression of his head when I returned home. Yes, I kissed it.
    16. This. When I cleaned my closet.  vidya sury come september
    17. His cough, when he spoke to me today. And pride when he said he visited the health center on his own.
    18. His Dad’s choke voice, filled with pride that his son got into a prestigious institute and is adjusting to the new life.
    19. The sight of his house slippers in their spot near the entrance and thinking he’ll be back at 4 pm, only he won’t.
    20. The space in the house. Oh, the space and the quiet! Just hate that everything stays exactly as I left it.
    21. The empty chair at the desktop computer with his favorite cushion on it. The half-filled water bottle on the floor – that I had to empty. Only, he wasn’t’ around for me to scold him.
    22. A neighbor bringing something for Vidur because he loves it, and realizing he’s away!
    23. His neat book shelves. Categorized by topic and interest. His school shelves, a mess.
    24. The pencil shavings in a cup on his desk. And the memory of his hand holding the pencil, sketching.
    25. The two huge bags of books he’s left to give away.
    26. The long empty evenings and his chatter, conspicuous by its absence.
    27. Imagining his singing all the time. All. The. Time.

That’s not all, though.

    1. His smile, everytime I looked at him.
    2. Coming across his drawings and sketches in the most unexpected of places.
vidya sury come september

He was five years old

 

vidya sury come september

He was 15 when he drew this – the scene of the Hindu Gods and Demons churning the oceans for nectar.

3. Stumbling on a sheet of paper in a plastic sleeve that turns out to be a letter to his Grandma. In heaven

4. The thought that he wont be home for my birthday this month. Or his, in November.

5. Finding his notebook in his backpack on the dining table chair where he left it, and about to place it on his shelf when I am prompted to just peek at his handwriting – and feeling overwhelmed at finding this: “How I would like to see myself after 10 years” running to three pages.

I know I said 27. But there’s a 1000 more where that came from, and counting.

The sun will shine brighter when he’s home. And I am a very lucky Mom.

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8 Comments

  • Reply
    Nabanita
    September 1, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    The list made me all emotional Vidya…Don’t be too sad, life has to take these turns and it’s a good thing actually…
    Nabanita recently posted…Grateful, In Sickness & In Health…#MondayMusingsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Vidya Sury
      September 1, 2015 at 1:39 pm

      I know, sweety! But the tears, so hard to control them, you know? I know we’re in a good place, he’s in a good place. Yet. The heart has a mind of its own!
      Thank you so much for your kind words! I hope you’re feeling better now.
      Vidya Sury recently posted…Food Tales That Never FadeMy Profile

  • Reply
    Rajlakshmi
    September 1, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    awww Vidya… that’s so touching 🙁 I remember how my dad actually cried after dropping me at college hostel… I still make fun of him on that 🙂
    Being away for the first time is always tough, both the parents and the child.
    Rajlakshmi recently posted…Zen…tangled !!My Profile

    • Reply
      Vidya Sury
      September 1, 2015 at 6:33 pm

      I know! Hugs Rajlakshmi. I used to tease my Mom whenever she cried. Sigh. Thank you for coming by!
      Vidya Sury recently posted…Eat. Pray. Love.My Profile

  • Reply
    simple girl
    September 2, 2015 at 9:06 am

    Aww.. such a touching post.. I felt like crying …
    Hugs to you …

  • Reply
    Mahathi Ramya
    September 2, 2015 at 10:55 am

    very lovely and touching post Vidya. I don’t know if my mom felt the same way when i left to some other city to work and I don’t know if I might feel the same when my son is grown up and stays away from me for studies or job or whatsoever. You made me realize all those feelings.

    By the way, nice way to avoid spamming in comments. Yes, that made me smile today 🙂
    Mahathi Ramya recently posted…Indian passport for retired govt officials – ProcessMy Profile

    • Reply
      Vidya Sury
      September 2, 2015 at 11:16 am

      🙂 Thank you Mahathi. It is the Circle of Love and Life. Parents always see their children as babies…most of the time anyway, simply because we want life to be good for them. We take hard decisions knowing that the outcome would be the best, yet we can’t help crying! 🙂

      Thank you for your kind words. I was thrilled to see your Akshayapatra post! Heading over to read the Passport process!
      Vidya Sury recently posted…Happiness is the Way #DrWayneDyer #QuotesMy Profile

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