personal development

What Makes Some People More Charismatic Than Others?

We don't have to be perfect to be amazing Vidya Sury

A couple of weeks back, my son and I watched this movie “Hindi Medium” starring Irrfan Khan and others. Irrfan Khan comes across as completely likeable, as usual. He’s such a spontaneous actor and interestingly, he’s not the usual conventional good looking film star. I mentioned this to my son and we got into a long discussion (still ongoing) about how looks don’t matter, and took stock of all those people we were fond of—people who wouldn’t win beauty contests, but had already won our hearts.

I’ve always been fascinated by this attraction.

Have you ever wondered why some people are irresistible while others seem virtually unapproachable? Is it the way they dress, or their hairstyle? Could it be their “perfume”?

Not necessarily, you know.

It is not about the height or the perfect body.

Even a plain Jane dressed modestly can brightly outshine a supermodel if she knows how to turn on the charm. Why, she may even be dressed in tatters and come across as absolutely charismatic.

So what is charisma?  

Last summer, The Atlantic magazine described charisma as a boon to the evolution of mankind. I am sure you come across someone with that magnetic pull from time to time. In the work context, persons who show exceptional charisma are natural leaders with the innate ability to easily prompt group cooperation. Charismatic people inspire admiration and encourage teamwork, whether in a tribe of cave dwellers or in a corporate boardroom. In general, one is more willing to form an alliance with a charismatic person than with someone who lacks such social grace. I’ve experienced this first-hand with different types of bosses during my corporate days.

While the above explains in the most basic way how charisma works in a tribal or business situation, what’s even more interesting is that the same sort of “charismatic leadership tactics” outlined inThe Atlantic can apply to any sort of interpersonal relationships.

Charisma is not magic, but the results? Enchanting!

A charismatic person exerts subliminal influence on people because she makes each person she connects with feel as if they are the only person in the room. A conversation with her is meaningful, without appearing to pry. She listens when an individual is speaking and makes the right gestures such as a nod, to let the other person know she is present and engaged, unlike someone who can’t wait to interrupt. The charismatic woman is all there.

Can you actually find your own charisma?

I think you can. I remember one of my ex-bosses, who exuded charisma.  He would always learn something about the person he was going to meet and maintain eye contact without staring for too long. He had the gift of listening and offering sincere compliments to whoever he conversed with. We invariably went away feeling motivated and encouraged, especially if our day hadn’t gone so well.

As one of our trainers often remarked, charisma is also about accepting compliments graciously without being self-effacing, as if you didn’t deserve it.  Have you noticed how some people just act embarrassed and shrug it off? The relationship experts at Vixen Daily advise that instead of simply muttering a sparse “Thank you,” say something like “That was kind of you to say” or “How lovely that you noticed.”

Can charisma be learned?

The common belief is that people either have charisma or they don’t. Psychology Today disagrees. When the qualities that comprise charisma are deconstructed, it is fairly easy to see what makes some people more appealing and approachable than others. If you look at the key components of charisma, they include exuberance, a friendly voice and easy smile, expressive body language, optimism and, above all, a sense of self-confidence.

I say, rock the stuff you’ve got and forget about your flaws. Toss away self-doubt and focus on your most brilliant features. Don’t shop for outfits that hide what you assume are flaws. Instead, dress to show off what you’ve got to look your best. Combined with this, when you project a great attitude, people tend to sense your charisma. Stride into a room with confidence, and people are bound to be attracted to your exceptionally charismatic energy.

Be all about the other person

Ever noticed how some people pay attention with their ears, face, and body? When engaged in conversation, they stand or sit facing the other person. They don’t fidget, as though they are planning their escape. They smile when appropriate, and always ensure that their eyes smile as much as their mouth does.

Frequent eye contact and timely gestures show the person you’re talking to that you are empathetic to their cause. Forget about opening a friendly conversation with your own agenda in mind. To charm another person, be genuinely interested in what they have to say. If you both truly listen, the conversation is likely to take its natural course without forcing any issues, says YourTango magazine.

Of course, if one is naturally shy, these things seem awkward at first—but you know what they say. Practice. And learn from Irrfan Khan. Or my ex-boss.

What are your thoughts about this?

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10 Comments

  • Reply
    Sreesha
    June 23, 2017 at 9:32 am

    Irrfan Khan has one of those contagious smiles. You can’t help but be drawn to him. Plus, he’s got that regular guy next door kinda charm.
    I can’t say if charisma can be learned. In my experience, there are some people whom everyone is drawn to, and when they speak, they leave people awestruck. I don’t know if we can learn to exude that kinda charm. Hopefully, practice should help!
    Sreesha recently posted…Lost Long RoadsMy Profile

  • Reply
    Soumya
    June 23, 2017 at 5:53 pm

    Ah charisma! That is one thing I always look for in a man and if he has it, that’s sexier than even a six pack or a two day old stubble 🙂

    I find Rahul Khanna, Rahul Bose, Irrfan Khan and Milind Soman extremely charismatic. Not so long ago, I used to find Shashi Tharooor charismatic too, but thanks to the recent developments in his life I don’t anymore.

  • Reply
    kalpana solsi
    June 25, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    Irfan Khan’s chameleon like ability to get under the skin of the character is his strong point. He comes across a genuine person suited for the role. That is his charisma. My family loved the film.
    My Accountancy professor, Pai Sir was one charismatic person. Not only his command over the subject but his way of guiding the students without sermonizing made him a crowd puller.
    and Vidya you are a charismatic person.

  • Reply
    upasna
    June 27, 2017 at 4:53 pm

    Who does not want to be the one. It is the art that can be groomed but I believe some people are born with the charisma. BTW how was your trip Vidya?

    • Reply
      Vidya Sury
      June 27, 2017 at 8:50 pm

      🙂 Yeah! Everyone likes it when the person they’re talking to pays full attention.

      Trip is in July, Upasna. 🙂
      Vidya Sury recently posted…That First Day of SchoolMy Profile

  • Reply
    My Inner Chick
    June 27, 2017 at 7:14 pm

    **each person she connects with feel as if they are the only person in the room**

    When I meet somebody like this, I get all fuzzy inside and want to have wine w/ them!

    Love you more than strong Caribou coffee in the morning.

  • Reply
    Darla M Sands
    June 29, 2017 at 7:18 am

    Charisma is an interesting thing. Yours comes through the web browser. ~hugs~ Namaste.

  • Reply
    Tamara
    June 29, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    Interesting post. I am one of those people who think charismatic people are born with their charm 🙂 If what you say it’s true it means I am pretty charismatic myself – which would be wonderful!

  • Reply
    Asha
    July 1, 2017 at 9:22 am

    True. Charisma is such a difficult attribute to exactly put a finger on.. One may be likeable but not charismatic. It’s an interesting trait.. You have me some thing to think about 🙂

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