In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are

subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the

way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system…

Simple Duties

You make the bed……………………………………………+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows……….0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets……………………-1

You leave the toilet seat up…………………………………-5

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty……………….0

When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex……..-1

When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2

You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light pantyliners with wings…….+5

But return with beer………………………………………..-5

You check out a suspicious noise at night………………………0

You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing……………….0

You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something…………….+5

You pummel it with a six iron……………………………….+10

It’s her father……………………………………………-10

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly………..-15

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it…+10

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian

shirts……….-5

Finances

You spend a lot of money on something impractical…………-5

Something she can’t use……………….-10

Such as a motorized model airplane…………..-20

And she got a small appliance for her birthday………….-40

Driving

You lost the directions on a trip…………..-4

You lost the directions and end up getting lost…………..-10

You end up getting lost in a bad part of town……..-15

You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and

personal………-25

You know them………-60

The Big Question

She asks, “Do I look fat?”……………..-5

(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)

You hesitate in responding…………-10

You reply, “Where?”………..-35

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a

concerned expression……0

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes……….+5

You listen for more than 30 min. without looking at the TV……..+10

She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep………….-20

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party……….0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking

buddy……..-2

Named Tiffany………………..-4

Tiffany is a dancer……………….-6

Tiffany has implants……………….-8

When mingling, you hold your mate’s hand and gaze at her lovingly………..+1

When mingling, you introduce her as “the ol’ ball and chain” and pat her on the rump……….-5

When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, “Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you”…………….+1

When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she’s attractive, you say,

“Yeah, but she’s lousy in bed”……-6

That woman is her sister………………..-90

You have one drink, and that’s it…………….0

You have more than a few & perform the tango with a poodle………-2

You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted….-18

Saturday Afternoon

You go to the mall together…………………+3

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car………………..+4

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports

bar……………….-2

You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it….+3

You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional….0

You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk ………….+3

Most of it chips and beer …………..-6

You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den…………+15

Or refinishing the floors………………….+16

Or rewiring the basement………………..+17

Or adding a second floor…………….+18

Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket…….-6

And you’re tickled pink about it…………………-15

You visit her parents…………………0

You visit her parents and actually make conversation …………..+3

You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television ……..-3

And the television is off……………………-6

You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear………..-6

And you didn’t even go to college…………..-10

And it’s not your underwear………………..-15

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner………………..0

You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar……………+1

Okay, it is a sports bar…………………….-2

And it’s all-you-can-eat night………………..-3

It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors

of your favorite team…….-10

You go to a nice, pricey restaurant & hire a guitar player………+3

You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and

sing………………………..+4

If you stink………………………..+2

If you’re not half bad……………………+5

You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you’re escorted out to much

applause………..-2

You give her a gift……………………0

You give her a gift and it’s a small appliance………….-10

You give her a gift and it’s not a small appliance ………..+1

You give her a gift, and it isn’t chocolate………………+2

You give her a gift that you’ll be paying off for months……….+30

You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day……..-10

With her credit card……………-30

And whatever you bought is two sizes too big……….-40

Thoughtfulness

You forget her birthday completely…………………..-20

You forget your anniversary…………………-30

You forget to pick her up at the bus station………..-45

Which is in Newark, New Jersey……………….-50

And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast………….-60

A Night Out With The Boys

Go out with a pal ………………………-5

And the pal is happily married ……………….-4

Or frighteningly single ………………..-7

And he drives a Mustang………………..-10

With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)……………-15

You have a few beers……………..-9

And miss curfew by an hour……………..-12

You miss curfew by an hour and you didn’t call………………..-20

You get home at 3 am………………..-30

You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars………..-40

And not wearing any pants………………….-50

Is that a tattoo??……………..-200

Her Night Out

You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from

work……………….+5

She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home

late……………..+10

You wait up…………………..+15

She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed……….+20

A Night At Home

You watch TV together……………..0

You rent a movie……………+2

You rent a movie and it’s SENSE & SENSIBILITY……………….+3

It’s SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout………….+5

It’s SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep…………………..-1

It’s SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool………….-2

A Night Out

You take her to a movie……………………+2

You take her to a movie she likes……………….+4

You take her to a movie you hate ……………….+6

You take her to a movie you like……………..-2

It’s called DeathCop 3…………………..-3

Which features cyborgs having sex………………-9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans………..-15

Flowers

You buy her flowers only when it’s expected…………………… 0

You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it……..+20

You give her wildflowers you’ve actually picked yourself……….+30

And she contracts Lyme disease………………………………-25