1. In the company of feminists, intercourse should be referred to as:

a) Lovemaking

b) Screwing

c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:

a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship

b) Your blood-test results

c) Five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:

a) Your partner climaxes first

b) You both climax simultaneously

c) You don’t miss SportsCenter

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

a) Healthy, creative love-play

b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to

c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you’ve just had sex with is:

a) The best part of the experience

b) The second best part of the experience

c) $100 extra

6. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You

tell her that it is:

a) No concern of yours

b) Not a problem – she can join your gym

c) A conservative estimate

7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

a) A myth

b) An oxymoron

c) A moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

a) Appetizer is to entree

b) Priming is to painting

c) A queue is to an amusement park ride

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of

a relationship?

a) “I hope we can still be friends.”

b) “I’m not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone….”

c) “Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.”

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy

b) Is uptight and a waste of time

c) Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

If you answered ‘A’ more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are

a man.

If you answered ‘B’ more than 7 times, check into therapy, you’re still a little

confused.

If you answered ‘C’ more than 7 times, call me up. Let’s go drinking.