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Are you getting married for the right reasons?

by Vidya Sury November 17, 2020 0 comment
Are you getting married for the right reasons vs

“I am getting married!” That statement should be accompanied by a joyful feeling, right?

Oh, this is just a fun post. My nephew is getting married and that triggered an endless conversation about all the other weddings in the family, the circumstances in which they happened, generously sprinkled with “those days” and “these days” comments.

Marriage is usually seen as the end goal in every romantic relationship. The importance of marriage can vary from culture to culture and family to family. With that being said, it is still a really important decision for two people to make.

When you get married, you basically join two lives together and become one. It may not seem like a dramatic change in some people’s relationships, but there’s definitely an underlying significance there.

The sad reality is that many marriages end in divorce. This usually happens when the two people weren’t ready to make this big step. How do you avoid making this mistake?

It’s impossible to guarantee that every marriage will be successful, but here are some important things to consider:

Are you getting married for the right reasons?

For me, marriage is about the coming together of two people and a promise that you will be together forever. Well, almost. Simply put, you should marry mainly for love, not anything else. A lot of marriages fail because the reasoning behind the union is less than ideal.

You may have heard of people marrying for crazy reasons – like immigration visas. Someone wants to live in a certain country, so they decide to get married, providing them with a visa that can help them apply for indefinite leave to remain in the future.

Other times, people marry due to social pressure, and you do get a lot of couples that marry just because they have a child. If you’re not marrying someone because you love them and want to spend the rest of your life with them, it will never work.

How much have you experienced together?

Now, some people think there’s a minimum length of time that a couple should be together before getting married. In some ways, I agree with this. However, I don’t so much look at the time as I do the experiences you’ve shared as a couple.

A great example is a new relationship that started in January 2020. You saw each other a lot, things were going well, and then coronavirus took over the world. As it happened, you were staying with each other when the lockdown hit, so you decided to live together for the duration.

It was only supposed to be two weeks, but you ended up in a confined environment for nearly six months. You soon realized that you were incredibly compatible and loved living together. Your love blossomed, and a proposal soon hit.

Some people will look at this and think that they shouldn’t get married because they’ve barely been together. But, in this scenario, the couple has experienced a lot – they’ve lived in quarantine for six months, constantly being around one another.

You could argue that they’ve experienced more of what married life will be like than a couple that’s been together for five years but never lived together.

So, rather than getting caught up on how long you need to be together before getting married it makes more sense to think about all that you have done as a couple and the experiences you’ve shared.

Ultimately, these are the two main questions to ask yourself. When you start thinking about each one, it is easier to figure out if you are getting married for the right reasons.

Here are some reasons why I got married:

  1. We love each other.
  2. We were happy to think about sharing our lives with each other.
  3. We had realistic expectations and some shared goals.
  4. We didn’t expect the other person would change.
  5. We felt connected in many ways.
  6. We had great chemistry plus a solid friendship.
  7. We were willing to support each other in our goals.
  8. We had spent enough time interacting to know we belonged together.
  9. We made a conscious decision to get married.

Back in 2012, on the urging of a friend, I even wrote a post about secrets to a happy marriage when we celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary.

Okay, that being said, I see too many people getting married for the wrong reasons.

15 reasons why getting married is NOT the answer

  1. You have your doubts but don’t have the guts to back out of the relationship.
  2. There are things you don’t like about your partner but hope springs eternal, so you think things will change.
  3. You want to get away from your parents
  4. You think getting married is better than being lonely.
  5. You think marriage will make you happier.
  6. You want to make a point.
  7. You got pregnant and now you think getting married is the right thing to do.
  8. You want a baby.
  9. You are afraid no one else will marry you.
  10. She/he loves you so you think, why not.
  11. You want to get married for money.
  12. You think, all my friends are married, and I should be too.
  13. You are excited about a grand wedding.
  14. You are afraid of being single.
  15. You are being pressurized to get married.

Oh yes, there are many more but I think these just about cover the main points.

I think it is a good idea to actually sit down and make a list of reasons why you think getting married to that person is a good idea. It is a major life decision, after all. Spending the rest of your life with that one person is a big deal. So take your time. It will be time well spent.

As one great person once told me, rather than say “I do”, ponder on “Should I?”.

What do you think?

I’d love to know in the comments!

Are you getting married for the right reasons

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