The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store…

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now

that you’ve come into my life…

(Inside card) – I’ve changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life…

(Inside card) – I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….

(Inside card) – That you’re not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….

(Inside card) – Will you take the knife from my back? You’ll probably

need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry…

(Inside card) – Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….

(Inside card) – Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you’d die for me…

(Inside card) – Now we’ve broken up, I think it’s time to keep your promise.

8. We’ve been friends for a very long time…

(Inside card) – What do you say we stop?

9. I’m so miserable without you…

(Inside card) – It’s almost like you’re still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….

(Inside card) – Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there

was only one life jacket…

(Inside card) – I’d miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday…

(Inside card) – So we’re having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we’ve been together, I can’t help but

wonder…

(Inside card) – What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!…

(Inside card) – Too bad no one likes your husband.