Home Self Love I refuse to water my weeds

I refuse to water my weeds

by Vidya Sury November 18, 2011 19 comments
I refuse to water my weeds Vidya Sury

Sometimes, my mind is my jailer. My thoughts imprison me. Sometimes I transfer my thoughts, which, these days, usually revolve around my ever-growing (too-much) to-do list, on paper and often end up feeling rather victimized. Oh, I know that is a rather strong word but it sounded very soothing. *wink*.  I also find myself organizing and re-organizing the to-do list; after all, I am quite an expert at managing the list, even though, of late, I am not so great at converting all of it into action. I feel a bit sorry for myself during these times and then, just like the movies, I can hear a heavenly voice (I am sure it is my Mom) telling me “self-pity is a choice”. So right. But you know how truths are. Bitter, especially if you are not in the right state of mind to accept them.

Problems exist only in the human mind.” – Anthony de Mello

I don’t know about de Mello, but I’ve heard my Mom saying this all the time. She had a policy which she often thrust at me – and it went something like “If you can identify the problem, you have the ability to find the solution”. Not surprisingly, as someone who was a Teacher/School Principal for over forty years, she was greatly adored by all whose lives she touched.

Hey wait, is this a eulogy to Mom? No. It is just that I can’t help thinking of her whenever my mind is in slight chaos. We were very complementary to each other. It was probably because she was only eighteen years old when I was born, and then the bond was rendered stronger due to the absence of a father. I get a warm feeling thinking about the clothes we shared and argued about who should wear the new sari first. My mind goes all mushy thinking of how we would surprise each other by finishing off a particular job either of us didn’t quite feel like doing, and then feeling thrilled when the other appreciated it. My Mom had a special way of doing these things. If I did the washing up on a day when she was tired, she’d wake up in the morning and say, “Looks like an angel visited our home. I am making a strong cup of coffee for this angel.”

Sometimes I wonder how she was so good-natured all the time. Anyone in her situation would have been very, very different, introverted, complaining and quite pathetic. But not my Mom. Each time someone hurt her, she just seemed to become stronger and more cheerful. Oh yes, we do live and learn. And I am grateful she passed on much of that strength to me. People keep assuming that as time passes, the void she left when she passed on last year will heal and fill. I find that I really don’t want that. I cherish all our moments together and appreciate how fortunate I am to have memories that will remain fresh, forever.

But most of all, when my head feels about to burst with all that is going on inside, I remember her. My mind fills with good thoughts from happy moments. And slowly, I try to let go of the mental restlessness and calm my mind, consciously.

I know that right now, I must be right here. As I take a brand new sheet of paper and fold it into an accordion so that I will have several panels when I open it out, I decide what I really need to do.

No more sob stories.

I will prioritize, segregate and get started. When I finish one item on the list, I’ll strike it off and move on to the next one.

I will not agonize over my current list. I will not get tired even before I begin taking action.

I set my mind free.

After all, why should I water my weeds?


It is good to read this poster once in a while, just to remind ourselves that we have a mind.

Vidya Sury

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tsonodablog November 18, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Vidya, I really needed to read this today. You have no idea…
Your mother sounds so lovely…and so very wise! I will keep “If you can identify the problem, you have the ability to find the solution” in my mind today while I try to find some solutions. Gosh, thank you for so many things…being my online friend, being so insightful, and being freaking amazing! You inspire…I’m thinking much the same as your Mom did.
HUGS from a very long ways away.

My Inner Chick November 18, 2011 at 9:45 pm

** People keep assuming that as time passes, the void she left when she passed on last year will heal and fill. I find that I really don’t want that. I cherish all our moments together and appreciate how fortunate I am to have memories that will remain fresh, forever**

So true and beautiful, Vidya.

You inspire. Xxx

Vidya Sury November 18, 2011 at 4:36 pm

🙂 Terri, thanks. I am glad you liked this and am so happy it touched you. Hugs to you too! I actually had a couple of friend calling in to thank me for this post. And here I was – thinking I was just rambling on, ranting, venting. It is a warm feeling to connect with you, too.

Someone is Special November 18, 2011 at 8:45 pm

true Vidya.. I have posted a new romantic thriller.. I am sure you will love it.. Hoping to see you there..

Someone is Special

Vidya Sury November 19, 2011 at 4:56 am

Kim, I know you understand. Hugs. Thank you for being my friend.

Vidya Sury November 19, 2011 at 4:57 am

@Saravana – will check it out.

sheila November 19, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Wow, this is wonderful, I love this post! Your mom sounds like she was an extremely strong and wonderful lady!

Vidya Sury November 19, 2011 at 1:30 pm

She was, Sheila. :-)Totally inspiring. Thank you.

serenelyrapt November 20, 2011 at 7:29 am


This connected deep within. Why indeed should we think about anything that doesn’t give us joy? Discontent grows in the empty lots of abandoned minds… like weeds.

Reading about your mother planted another thought. I wonder what my kids will say about me when I am gone… will they remember me with fondness… will they think I did my best, or will they blame/ criticize for things that didn’t happen in their lives?

Ah, if only one knew!

Loved this. More power to your pen. Sharing this on FB, hope you don’t mind. 🙂


Vidya Sury November 20, 2011 at 8:11 am

Oh Dagny – just after I finished writing this post, that’s precisely what I thought. Will my son feel the same way about me, as I feel about my Mom? 🙂 Thank you so much for visiting and please feel free to share.

Sharifa January 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm

great one Vidya! Loved the poster!

Vidya Sury January 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Thanks Sharifa – it is one of my very favorites!

Paige | simple mindfulness March 19, 2012 at 2:40 am

The poster is awesome! Had to share it.Your mother sounds so absolutely wonderful! You were very lucky to have such an amazing person as a role model.

Vidya Sury March 19, 2012 at 3:53 am

Paige! I just can’t stop laughing over your intro to this post on G+. Okay, I admit it, I am giggling like crazy. Yes – my Mom was absolutely wonderful and I feel very blessed to be her daughter. Hugs – thank you for your lovely words.

gita September 7, 2013 at 11:09 am

hai vidya
I am in memory lane and a chord has been strung and the same thoughts are in sync as I had said My mom was our driving force Even today after nearly 4 decades ,I hear a small whisper that propels me forward,a smile and then Move on.I am sure your mom was a great lady and she has left behind a clone of hers to spread the thought & cheer A hug & love for those moments when you are not tied doing something
so long take care.

Vidya Sury September 7, 2013 at 11:14 am

Thank you, Gita! You know, one of the things I learned over time is, motivation almost always comes from within. I remember when I wrote this post. I was so upset with something. But I firmly believe that being positive, no matter what, makes life much better. 🙂 Hugs.

gita September 27, 2013 at 10:15 am

today I am in a mood to leave out all the pretentious people ,matters around move on & find solutions.There are times when we are bogged down with unnecessary garbage and need to clear all cobwebs.
I have been offering for sahastra pooja and sari to Godess since many years but of late I feel it has become an occasion of pomp more than religion so this year I am giving it up & will put the money to donate to a more needy I do this but this time I will add this amount too.
Hey I forgot to share a book of mine is published I shall send you a e copy.

luv gita

Vidya Sury September 27, 2013 at 10:23 am

It is a wonderful decision, Gita! Sometimes, as we evolve, mentally and emotionally, it is easy to shed the excess and move on. Suddenly things that seemed to bring pleasure become frivolous.

I no longer spend on temple stuff except carry flowers, a bottle of oil for the lamp and some pooja things they can use. No more sari/abhishekam stuff.

I’d love to read your book! Hugs!
Vidya Sury recently posted…If only you were here

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[…] She more or less shaped the way I am today. I am lucky that she had a strong influence on my son, Vidur, too and my husband Sury adored her. She was generous in life and generous in death. She lives in our hearts.” – Vidya Suri […]


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