Home Mindful Living Why you should stop beating yourself up

Why you should stop beating yourself up

by Vidya Sury August 12, 2020 8 comments
stop beating yourself up

How easy it is to let a mistake or a wrong decision to impact our lives negatively—long after the event happened! Can you ever stop beating yourself up? These incidences keep us trapped in regrets and stop us from enjoying our present. We end up missing new experiences and opportunities.

Staying tied up to a mistake for far longer than necessary can really mess up our lives. It makes no sense to dwell on something for so long that you find yourself struggling to break away from it. For how long can you actually carry the burden of not making the right decision?

We have to remind ourselves constantly that life is short. We cannot rewind time, no matter what. We have got to stop beating ourselves up over something that happened and learn to move on. If we don’t, we hold ourselves back from enjoying the newness in each day simply because our minds are constantly troubled by negative self-blame.

If you find it hard to move on from a specific incident in your life, stop beating yourself up over it. Being stuck in that pattern can affect your health, your relationships and just about anything you want to do.

Here are three reasons why you should stop beating yourself up.

3 reasons to stop beating yourself up


You are only human

“You need to give yourself permission to be human.” – Joyce Brothers

Yes, you needed that reminder. As human beings, we are literally programmed to make mistakes. It is human to err. We don’t come into this world holding an instruction manual that lists the right way to handle all the situations we face. We are not born knowing how to make the right decision for every event throughout our lives. So what sense does it make to go through life wanting to be perfect?

Sure, you must make the effort to make the right decisions and handle situations as well as you can—but only with the awareness that you may not always be able to do so. If you make mistakes, don’t be surprised. Just let it remind you that you are but human and fallible, just like the billions of others around you.

We’re blessed to be human with the capability to feel so many emotions. We have the ability to create and discover things. It is fine to be far from perfect. Keep in mind that mistakes will happen and that it is completely okay.

Mistakes are lessons learned

“Mistakes have the power to turn you into something better than you were before.” Anonymous

One of the best ways to stop beating yourself up over a wrong decision you took or some shortcoming you may have is to try not to see the situation from a negative point of view. Instead, why not look at it this way: mistakes are an essential part of the learning process. If you think back and reflect on your experiences, you will probably find that every single thing you ever learned to do with some expertise was through trial and error. This is an ongoing process throughout our lives. And as long as we live, we will face new situations.

So, there’s no rule that states that when you grow up and become an adult, you will somehow know the perfect response to new situations. In fact, if you ever reach that point in your life when you don’t make a mistake or two, that’s probably not a good thing! If we go through life without facing challenges, we stagnate.

Let’s look at each mistake as a life lesson that lets us adjust and learn to do better the next time we face a similar situation.

Change Your Perspective

“Perspectives are like batteries. You can see the positive or the negative, and they’ll keep you charged up, if you replace them often enough.”― Curtis Tyrone Jones

To be fair, we do try to forgive those who hurt us. This is especially true of those closest to us. Of course, we will get upset and angry for a while, but we don’t really hang on to the issue for long periods of time. We get over it.

The funny thing is we struggle with forgiving ourselves. We find it so difficult. Considering this paradox, why not try and change your vantage point the next time you find it hard to forgive yourself for something? After all, who is closer to you than you?

We already know that forgiveness is an important requirement to maintain good relationships; why not realize that this requirement holds true for nurturing our own mental environment?

Stop beating yourself up!

Rather than beating yourself up for what you are not doing, appreciate and celebrate the things you are doing. When you shift your focus away from what you do not want, you can create a vision for what you do. Don’t fight with yourself – focus on what you do, can do, choose to do, are ready to do.
Iyanla Vanzant

Wednesday Wisdom is a series with short bursts of easy-to-consume wisdom in the form of inspiring stories, verse, quotes, anecdotes, reflections, easy meditation, thought-provoking questions and humor. Oh yeah, some days are not so short.

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Magical Mystical Mimi August 13, 2020 at 4:14 am

I still have not mastered forgiving myself but it is something I’d like to resolve before I die.

Vidya Sury August 13, 2020 at 11:39 am

I thin we all struggle with this, Karen. I know I do! Let’s hope we get to that beautiful place when we can stop!

Thaha August 13, 2020 at 8:53 pm

Yes I do agree yet I’m unable to overcome on myself I can forgive the person who talks in front but not on my back.

I too not a perfect person but soon or later I will overcome this manner to change.

Key notes you have given which help us to think a lot on our life keep engaging Vidya Ma’am.
Thaha recently posted…Top 10 Best Microwave Egg Cooker in 2020

G Angela August 31, 2020 at 8:18 pm

Great post vidya, agree with what you have written, thanks for sharing:)

Cameron Sewick September 7, 2020 at 10:57 am

Thanks for this, Vidya!

I like how you emphasize that mistakes are part of the learning process. If we remember this, then we can be brave when we try new things. At the very least, we will have learned something, so our effort is never wasted.

I think you offer a valuable reminder when you point out that forgiving ourselves is harder than forgiving others. After all, maybe we owe ourselves just as much kindness as we owe our loved ones!


Morning Upgrade May 28, 2021 at 12:43 am

It is so easy to be hard on yourself and expect more. I love how you pointed out that mistakes are lessons learned. Without mistakes, you don’t know what not to do. My next favorite part of this article is about forgiving yourself. We are human and can’t be expected to super succeed at every single thing we do. It take trial and error, don’t be so hard on yourself. -Ryan
Morning Upgrade recently posted…7 Reasons to Start Your Day Early

Carla Corelli May 29, 2022 at 1:17 am

I could not agree more with your post! I think that learning how to forgive ourselves and practice self compassion is one of the most underrated skills ever. It has been hard for me to learn how to do it, but I am slowly getting better 🙂
Carla Corelli recently posted…Narcissistic Grooming – How Narcissists Brainwash and Condition their Victims

Shahzad October 29, 2023 at 12:11 am

Hi, Vidya! Your words are a gentle reminder that we’re all human, bound to make mistakes, and that’s how we learn and grow. Thank you for sharing this wisdom and encouraging self-compassion. It’s a valuable message we all need.


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