The Artless Con-noisseur – A Skit by Vidur Sury

Let’s welcome Vidur Sury back here. He graciously agreed to guest post for me and I am pleased to say it is an enjoyable skit he wrote for a school program.

Vidur Sury is my son and has graced this blog earlier with  book reviews and a couple of posts (here and here). He’s currently in Grade 12 and pretty busy with school work and his other hobbies which encompass a keen interest in mythology, folk tales, culture, tradition and music. He’s learning Hindustani Classical Vocal and is in his 9th year. He’s quite an accomplished artist and singer and plans to publish books related to his interests.

Welcome, Vidur!. The sun shines brighter when you smile, which is often!

Thank you, Mummy!

I am happy to be here.

The  Artless Con-noisseur

A skit by Vidur Sury

First, the background:

Old Mr.Lal suddenly started fancying himself to be a connoisseur of art. One day, he happens to visit an old abandoned war memorial where he spots in an unused corner – an ancient painting which has lost its moorings. He believes that the work is that of a master from the Renaissance period. He brings it home, frames and displays it prominently among his art collection. He proudly announces his prized possession in all the prominent newspapers. News spreads and there is no dearth of visitors.

Here is what happens.

Visitor 1 : These deft strokes of the angel’s eyelashes! They have the stamp of the master!

Visitor 2 : And did you notice the particular shade of purple used right at the end of the second horse’s tail? It is marvelous. If I weren’t a connoisseur myself, I would have missed it!

Mr.Lal (looking like a cat which has just been licking cream) : Unless you have a discerning eye, you may have missed this – look here! At the bottom of the painting, 6 centimetres from the left, there is a little red dot. Do you know what it is? It is the master’s own blood!

All visitors (suitably in awe) : Mm, yes, yes! Indeed what sacrifices greatness demands!

Visitor 3 (sotto voce) : Just showing off! (louder) : I don’t believe this is from the Renaissance period at all! I see more the hand of – how shall I say – a certain female artist from the – ahem, 19th century.

Visitor 4 : Oh No No! Did you not notice that the sleeping dog has flat feet – this is the hallmark of that great master – hmm, the name that all of us dare not speak out except to whisper in awe.

Visitor 5 : Mr, Lal, can I have a photo with you and the masterpiece?

Visitor 6 : Yes, could I have a photo also so that I could frame this momentous occasion?

Mr.Lal (looking gracious) : Indeed, it is a moment to be treasured. We do our bit by expressing our appreciation.

Visitor 7 (slightly slow on the uptake) : Excuse me! Can someone – will someone – tell me if this is the cubist style? I see a cube of cheese under the mouse.

Visitor 8 : Oh No! That cube is not cheese; it is a bit of an ear! Have you not heard the famous ordeal which changed the master’s life for ever?

Visitor 9 : Mr. Lal, if you don’t mind, would you please tell us how much this masterpiece would be worth today?

Visitor 10 : And how much did you pay for it – if you don’t mind sharing that information?

Mr. Lal (looking very important) : Well, I am sorry but I am not in a position to divulge financial details. Suffice it to say that I left no stone unturned to acquire this unique work. As you know, if this sort of information gets about, it attracts unwanted attention.

All visitors (suitably impressed) : Yes, we understand, we understand!

(Just then, a child enters).

Child : Why! There is that paper! When my lunch box spilled all over, I used that paper to clean up the mess! Why has someone framed it?!

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Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed my little skit!

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Thank you, Vidur.

Dear friends, what do you think?

Did this post make you smile?

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July 2014 UBC day 5

BlogHer NaBloPoMo July 2014