100 Fun and Quirky Quotes to Make You Smile

Quirky is always better when it comes to quotes. Meeting an unexpected twist in a traditional quote is welcome, right? Today, I bring you some quirky quotes to make you smile! Laughter is good for health.

Read, enjoy, laugh, or smile. And pin away to your heart’s content!

100 Quirky Quotes To Make You Smile

1. The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
2. My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
3. Today’s payslip has more deductions than a Sherlock Holmes novel.
4. The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with
5. A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
7. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
8. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
9. If you ever feel you are worthless remember that you are full of expensive organs.
10. Always remember that you’re unique, just like everyone else…
11. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
12. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
14.  Of course, I talk to myself! Sometimes I need expert advice!
15. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 
16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
18. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
19. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
20. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
21. It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
22. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
23. Oh, what tangled webs we weave, when first we practice to weave webs
24. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy any evidence that you ever tried
25. Contrary to popular belief, God’s surname is not damnit!
26. You know what they say, what doesn’t kill you…Leaves you maimed, depressed and with and incredibly large debt to the hospital?’

27. Broken crayons still color!

28. Life on Earth might be expensive, but it does includes trip around the Sun.
29. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
30. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
31. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
32. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
33. War doesn’t determine who’s right, just who’s left.
34. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
35. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
36. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
37. Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
38. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
39. Just remember … if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
40. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands.
41. You can’t have everything — where would you put it?
42. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
43. A fool and his money are soon partying.
44. Don’t sweat petty things or pet sweaty things.
45. Shin: A device for finding furniture.
46. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
47. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
48. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
49. I wished the buck stopped here, because I could sure use a few.
50. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
51. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
52. Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. Chocolate is a salad!
53. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
54. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
55. There are two rules for ultimate success in life. Never tell everything you know.
56. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
57. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
58. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
59. My dentist said I need a crown and I was like… I know, right?
60. Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
61. Accept who you are, unless you’re a serial killer – Ellen DeGeneres
62. A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.
63. Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
64. Mirror is my best friend because when I cry it never laughs.
65. Never say anything that improves on silence!
66. Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
67. A witty saying proves nothing.
68. No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.
69. Change is not a four-letter word… but often your reaction to it is!
70. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
71. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
72. Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.
73. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
74. When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’
75. Well-behaved women seldom make history.
76. If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.
77. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.
78. Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop.
79. There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
80. If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.
81. Don’t worry if plan A fails. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
82. I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.
83. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.
84. Good things come to those who wait… greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen.
85. Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive it isn’t.
86. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
87. If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
88. A lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.
89. You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
90. The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters
91. The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.
92. There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
93. Common sense is like deodorant. Those who need it most don’t use it.
94. Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
95. Where there is a will, there is a quarrel.
96. Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.
97. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
98. Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
99. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
100. The worst distance between two people is a misunderstanding.
101. I don’t have bad handwriting. I have my own font.
102. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
103. Age is just a number, totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.
104. All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.
105. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
106. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
107. Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
108. If you laugh a lot, when you get older, your wrinkles will be in the right places.

Yes, I know there are 108 quirky quotes even though I said 100!

Now tell me, which ones are your favorites?

Which ones made you laugh or smile?