Home Reflections I am Strong. But.

I am Strong. But.

by Vidya Sury December 12, 2014 10 comments
be strong vidya sury

Life is such a great teacher, ably supported by “experience”. Depending on how we look at it, growing up can be painful, or…educative. My childhood, according to some people was less than perfect. I did not think so. From other people’s viewpoint, here was a child whose father abandoned her Mother after marrying her when she was 13 years old and left her when she was pregnant at 17, a child whose Mother tolerated a ridiculous amount of domestic abuse at her in-laws’ house before finally being thrown out of the house and somehow managed to return to her Mother’s place in another city.

I considered myself lucky to suddenly have three doting uncles, an aunt and my Grandmother and love. Lucky to see my Mother recover and become a person again and bloom.

I had the privilege of growing up with my Grandmother, a strong yet compassionate woman who taught me some great values. These were:

  • I am strong
  • Never hesitate to speak up
  • Be bold
  • If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing

I was my teachers’ pet in school. My friends loved me…they still do! My family thinks a great deal of me. Throughout my career, I was shown as an example for all the good things. In fact, people cheer me on for my favorite quote “Nothing is Impossible”

And yet. I have my secret demons to deal with. Don’t we all?

You see…maybe I am strong, confident and positive…but there are certain things for which I’ve never had the courage.

Like when my Mom’s health was failing, I was afraid and frustrated that the doctors appeared to be taking us for a ride with the endless visits that cost us an arm and a leg. I did not have the courage question the doctor, because I was afraid it would make the treatment even worse. And then the day finally came when I did and simply switched doctors.

Like when my son was born and I was considered a text book case by my gynecologist. So imagine our shock when my son and I both went into severe trauma and they had to do an emergency Cesarean. I was afraid we were going to die…and even though things worked out fine, I had that grain of fear in me all the time.

Like the day we rushed my Mom to hospital and I did not have the courage to even hope – and hated myself for all the things I imagined I should have done and didn’t do. There was no need to, but those were desperate times and I couldn’t think straight.

Like now, when my son has had this persistent cough for months…that just won’t go away even though we’ve seen the doctor a few times and he tells us it is just the weather and it is nothing to worry about.

Even though I believe that I am strong and can do whatever I set my mind to, I find myself holding back sometimes – and just can’t explain why I allow the moment to pass.

But I do know I am a brave person – most of the time. And I am glad that even if I don’t feel so confident inside, I have learned not to show it and go forth and do the thing anyway!

I thought I never had the courage to face an audience, until I did – and was pleasantly surprised to realize I had actually found my vocation!

Oh, by the way – I’ve not been able to work up the courage to do one thing: cut my hair really short like I had it 15 years ago. I am afraid that my already thinning hair will disappear. I just don’t have the guts – even though my folks tease me about seeing the brighter side – different types of wigs – imagine, what fun!

I used to love the exhilaration of the Ferris wheel as a child – but when I took a ride a few years ago, I totally panicked. And I’ll never have the courage to go on that roller-coaster ride, either.

But as I said at the beginning of this post, Life is a great teacher. I have learned to let go of my own expectations to be happier. It works, you know. At any rate, there’s less to be afraid of. And of course we’re all stronger than we think, right?

This is a Finish The Sentence Friday post. And a free-writing exercise.

I am happy to co-host Finish the Sentence Friday today with Tarana at Sand in My Toes (and our sentence thinker upper) and Kristi at Finding Ninee

Finish the Sentence Friday is a lovely blog hop where we have a prompt – and where writers come together and post endings to the current sentence. This week’s is “I’ve never had the courage to…”

Write your post and link up here!

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Rachna December 12, 2014 at 5:37 pm

Vidya, indeed life is the greatest teacher. So touched to read about you. Even I look up to the your sunny persona and discipline. Love and hugs!

Vidya Sury December 12, 2014 at 5:50 pm

You know what I love most, Rachna? That we have friends to look up to, learn from and have fun with. We should plan a get together!
Thanks for dropping by! 🙂
Vidya Sury recently posted…Do You Give Up Easily?

Vishnu December 13, 2014 at 8:39 am

What a powerful and inspiring piece of writing, Vidya. Thank you for sharing your upbringing and your past which I am only now learning more about. And what a way to share all the fears you’re working through and how you’re finding the courage to get through each one.

Your grandmother is indeed one wise woman and looks like the wisdom runs in the family:)
Vishnu recently posted…Transform Tears Into Healing: 10 Practices for Getting Over a Breakup

Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com December 14, 2014 at 6:18 am

Hi Vidya! You sound very brave to me for sure. I think we all know our “limits” about where we just aren’t ready to go yet, but as long as we are still breathing there is still a chance we’ll push through and experience it. Besides, I don’t think ANYONE eliminates fear….I think we just learn to not let it hold us back when it is REALLY important. ~Kathy
Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com recently posted…Science Says YES! To Happiness

Julie Barrett December 14, 2014 at 6:16 pm

Hi Vidya! We are all perfectly imperfect, exactly how it is supposed to be. Even the bravest among us are scared and don’t always make the “right” choice the first time the lesson is presented, but the more challenged we are the more work we have to do in the world. Lots of love 🙂
Julie Barrett recently posted…Is It A Ghost or Your Passed Relatives? Ways To Tell If You Have a Ghost In Your House

Vidya Sury December 14, 2014 at 7:25 pm

Ahh, thank you Julie! Just yesterday, I saw a lovely photo of you on Facebook and was thinking of our bakery date. By the way, I can make a super truffle cake now. 🙂 You’re in my heart, you know.
Vidya Sury recently posted…Fear Is The Key #RiseAboveFear

Sarah Arrow December 14, 2014 at 8:53 pm

Loved this Vidya. I love how you’ve managed to find strength and courage when there was none xx

Birgit December 16, 2014 at 10:41 am

may not have spoken up at that moment but you eventually found the courage to find your voice. You will persist regarding your son as well(maybe he has allergies as I would cough and didn’t think about allergies until my ex said it could be). It is amazing what strength we find and how life teaches us
Birgit recently posted…My Favourite Christmas Movies

Nancy@thethinkinhat February 22, 2017 at 5:38 pm

You’re value of “not speaking when you have nothing nice to say” resonates with me. And I loved the part where you said that experiences make us strong. Thank you for such an honest post. More power to you!

Vidya Sury February 22, 2017 at 5:43 pm

Thank you Nancy! Sometimes it is so hard to do, especially when we’re younger…but experience is a great teacher. ♥ I am so happy you dropped by today!
Vidya Sury recently posted…The Goodness of Life


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