It must be true what is said about wisdom coming with age. I too have my moments. As the years have progressed, I’ve realized that it no longer matters to me whether my opinion is greater than someone else’s or whether I remember something better than someone. I am fine with letting it go.
One thing about growing up is realizing you don’t hate anything anymore. Things either matter to you or they don’t.
In fact, these days, I especially find that some arguments are just a waste of time—time spent in sometimes useless word-exchange when I could very well be having a wonderful conversation with someone I really want to talk to, someone I care about.
The truth is, some of these things will never matter—even a couple of hours from now. It won’t matter who won that argument. So, I figure that if I let it go without saying anything—maybe I can give that person a feeling of accomplishment, of winning. Of course, winning arguments has nothing to do with feelings of self-worth . . . nevertheless it does matter sometimes and some people do tend to believe it does. And this is something I can easily give away.
I am thinking of how, when I play with a kid, I let her win. What did I lose? Nothing. But I felt like a winner and her joy was priceless!
How, when we sometimes quit arguing with our partner/friend just because we want them to be happy.
How we apologize to someone we care for even if it is their fault—simply because we love them so much.
With some arguments, I am happy to step back and allow someone else to win—even if it seems like losing. I don’t want my ego to get in the way of someone’s happiness.
But there are arguments that don’t deserve to be let go of. For example, when someone argues about going against our values, there is no giving in.
When someone argues in favor of intolerance or racism or hatred—we won’t be doing anyone any good by giving in. We probably won’t make a difference by arguing either—I find it best to simply back out of it because all we’ll create is noise.
There are occasions when we can create a positive outcome by letting someone win an argument. And if we are able to let our ego take a backseat and do so, why not consider there are two winners rather than try to be the only one? I think letting go is a sign of strength.
Think about it.
Points to ponder:
Why do we feel the need to win an argument at any cost?
Can both parties win when one allows the other to win the argument?
Do we really need to argue? How important is the point of argument?
What do you think? Is it worth it to let someone else win and still feel like a winner?
Wednesday Wisdom is a series with short bursts of non-fattening, easy-to-consume wisdom in the form of stories, quotes, anecdotes, and humor.
I will not say I learned it fully but yes, I try my best. I try not to enter a conversation which I feel only create noise. I stopped giving my point of view- not because I feel others will not take it but because all of us have our own point of view and all are correct at self-level. I don’t give opinions unless asked for. I stopped it because I feel discomfort at the end. I am still a work in progress.
I will not say I have learned it but I try my best. I do not enter the conversations which I feel only make noise. I don’t give opinions unless asked for. I stopped myself from having my say in controversial discussions because it leaves me discomfort at the end. I still need to master the art of letting others win.
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Wonderful viewpoint Vidya….I already feel positive…..
Thanks, Vinay! It’s true, isn’t it?
That’s so true, sometimes we win by giving up.
True, sometimes we win by losing. By giving up the right to be right, even when we’re right. By doing so we create win-win situations and peace pf mind and happiness for both the parties. Loved the examples you have shared and thanks for this profound and thought-provoking post.
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I was nodding my head with a yes as I was reading this article. Very well written! With age, we really become carefree and for all good reasons. Peace of mind becomes a priority and we either care about things or we don’t. There is nothing in-between for us!
I too have learnt to pick my battles as I grew up. At this age I no longer feel responsible to educate others or fight arguments against people I know won’t change their mind. It only increases the stress in our life and makes us more miserable. Very wise words Vidya, specially in current times when everyone try to shove their opinion on each other, in the most malicious way.
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